If you’re like me, the older you get, the more you see friends divorce … friends that seemed like the perfect couple … friends that you didn’t think were ever in danger of splitting.
Thanks Annie. You "hit the nail on the head" with this article. Our vow, "... in sickness and in health" took on a new and deeper reality when my sweet Becky, wife of 60 years come June 25th, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in January 2022 - and that after about 3 years of increasingly obvious symptoms. If "eros" was the foundation of marriage, ours would have been shattered, but it hasn't been because I am COMMITTED to loving, protecting and serving my Honey as her carer ever day. It is a rich privilege, yes, sometimes tiring or irritating, but so what? Our Lord Jesus whom we love is our fortress and stronghold and high tower, and in daily fellowship with and utter dependence on Him, we have been and will make it through this fiery trial, and, best of all, HEAVEN AWAITS! (Rev.Dr. John Wade Long, Jr. & Becky - retired missionaries with WHM/Serge from Hendersonville NC)
A topic both interesting and timely, as well as potentially hugely complex, Annie. On this particular V-Day (14th) I can't help but wonder about how the arguments (opinions?) presented herein hold up in the face of modern cross-cultural marriages (and/or relationships).
A number of years ago, when I first began my expatriate experiences (Southwest Asia and the Far East), I encountered a substantial amount of what we call 'culture shock'...this despite having had much preparation (both experiential and academic) in advance of actually experiencing it firsthand. I learned, among other things, that no matter how well prepared one thinks one is to suddenly become immersed in the attitudes, beliefs and affairs of other quite dissimilar cultures, the potential for getting unexpectedly gob-smacked is still substantial.
Nowhere is this more evident than in cross-cultural marriages. My wife is from China and I am (of course) a US native. I was a student of East Asian culture and civilisation back when I was an undergraduate and I always thought I was quite well prepared, consequently, to embrace the cultural differences implicit between our two distinctly different cultures as I stepped off the plane in China.
Fast forward 35 years from then, and as my wife and I age I find myself stepping on unanticipated cultural land-mines as we continue life together with surprising frequency. It wasn't like this back when we were first going together and I can't help but wonder if the vicissitudes of advancing age, hormonal and gender differences exert a more profound effect on erstwhile 'marital happiness' than anyone suspects.
Our particular situation derived from cultures that originated and existed several thousand miles apart from each other, but consider a situation somewhat less dishomogenous than ours...say a marriage between two individuals in the same country (the US), with different ethnic (e.g. racial) origins.
Back in Berkeley of the late 60s I had a white friend who had a black girlfriend. They seemed to care very much for each other as would be the case in any boy/girl romantic relationship. And yet, the racial customs, circumstances, traditions, social milieu and behavioral 'comfort zone' of each would regularly create unplanned tensions, considerable frictions and trying difficulties for them. Eventually, they broke up but I was at the time impressed by their courage in pursuing love, despite the existing strong social (racial) antipathies that still existed back then.
As someone who is emotionally mature and strongly committed to my own marriage, "to have and to hold until death do us part", I have surmounted most of my own cross-cultural marital difficulties well enough, but I still find myself wondering about how well others (such as my Berkeley-couple friends) deal with the need to bridge cultural chasms in their daily lives.
Something to ponder and ruminate upon, Annie! And a subject probably not substantially explored yet, in today's enthusiastically promoted 'diversity/woke' progressive social environment, eh? Despite all the corporate commercial media advertising that glibly and routinely portray white/black pairings as perfectly normal in television spots, these attitudes do seem to comprise a 'Brave New World' that is still largely terra incognita!
Thanks Annie. You "hit the nail on the head" with this article. Our vow, "... in sickness and in health" took on a new and deeper reality when my sweet Becky, wife of 60 years come June 25th, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in January 2022 - and that after about 3 years of increasingly obvious symptoms. If "eros" was the foundation of marriage, ours would have been shattered, but it hasn't been because I am COMMITTED to loving, protecting and serving my Honey as her carer ever day. It is a rich privilege, yes, sometimes tiring or irritating, but so what? Our Lord Jesus whom we love is our fortress and stronghold and high tower, and in daily fellowship with and utter dependence on Him, we have been and will make it through this fiery trial, and, best of all, HEAVEN AWAITS! (Rev.Dr. John Wade Long, Jr. & Becky - retired missionaries with WHM/Serge from Hendersonville NC)
A topic both interesting and timely, as well as potentially hugely complex, Annie. On this particular V-Day (14th) I can't help but wonder about how the arguments (opinions?) presented herein hold up in the face of modern cross-cultural marriages (and/or relationships).
A number of years ago, when I first began my expatriate experiences (Southwest Asia and the Far East), I encountered a substantial amount of what we call 'culture shock'...this despite having had much preparation (both experiential and academic) in advance of actually experiencing it firsthand. I learned, among other things, that no matter how well prepared one thinks one is to suddenly become immersed in the attitudes, beliefs and affairs of other quite dissimilar cultures, the potential for getting unexpectedly gob-smacked is still substantial.
Nowhere is this more evident than in cross-cultural marriages. My wife is from China and I am (of course) a US native. I was a student of East Asian culture and civilisation back when I was an undergraduate and I always thought I was quite well prepared, consequently, to embrace the cultural differences implicit between our two distinctly different cultures as I stepped off the plane in China.
Fast forward 35 years from then, and as my wife and I age I find myself stepping on unanticipated cultural land-mines as we continue life together with surprising frequency. It wasn't like this back when we were first going together and I can't help but wonder if the vicissitudes of advancing age, hormonal and gender differences exert a more profound effect on erstwhile 'marital happiness' than anyone suspects.
Our particular situation derived from cultures that originated and existed several thousand miles apart from each other, but consider a situation somewhat less dishomogenous than ours...say a marriage between two individuals in the same country (the US), with different ethnic (e.g. racial) origins.
Back in Berkeley of the late 60s I had a white friend who had a black girlfriend. They seemed to care very much for each other as would be the case in any boy/girl romantic relationship. And yet, the racial customs, circumstances, traditions, social milieu and behavioral 'comfort zone' of each would regularly create unplanned tensions, considerable frictions and trying difficulties for them. Eventually, they broke up but I was at the time impressed by their courage in pursuing love, despite the existing strong social (racial) antipathies that still existed back then.
As someone who is emotionally mature and strongly committed to my own marriage, "to have and to hold until death do us part", I have surmounted most of my own cross-cultural marital difficulties well enough, but I still find myself wondering about how well others (such as my Berkeley-couple friends) deal with the need to bridge cultural chasms in their daily lives.
Something to ponder and ruminate upon, Annie! And a subject probably not substantially explored yet, in today's enthusiastically promoted 'diversity/woke' progressive social environment, eh? Despite all the corporate commercial media advertising that glibly and routinely portray white/black pairings as perfectly normal in television spots, these attitudes do seem to comprise a 'Brave New World' that is still largely terra incognita!